A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends from medical school. Although we normally catch up about something work-related, this time, our conversation was different.
I was describing a relaxing weekend I’d just had in which I spent most of my time writing blogs, watching holiday movies, drinking wine, and conversing with my brothers. It seemed so simple, yet I was satisfied.
I mentioned to her that although work has its stressful moments, I’m tired often, and haven’t been to the gym in so long I didn’t even know where my membership card was located, I was quite happy.
She was happy for me and mentioned that sometimes we get so caught up with our current responsibilities and schedules that we don’t stop and wonder if we are truly happy, or better yet, what happiness looks like for us. I could’n’t agree more.
For some people, happiness is having time to relax and unwind at home. For others, it’s the creation of priceless memories with their family. And yet for some people, it may be having a productive day a work, eating good food at dinner, traveling to a new place, or achieving a certain level of financial or career success.
Regardless of what your view of happiness is, it’s vital that you define it for yourself. Without defining happiness for yourself it can be difficult to prioritize tasks or achieve the long-term life satisfaction you crave. You may also find yourself working toward the wrong goals or expending too much energy trying to live up to other people’s expectations while neglecting your own.
As we close out 2020 and head into 2021, it’s vital that we not only get clarity on our long-term goals, but that we also get specific about what makes us happy and satisfied overall.
According to authors George Kinder and Jonathan Clements, there are several questions and scenarios we should ponder to help assess our happiness and determine what things we value most in life. They are:
1. “Imagine money were not an issue. What would you do with your time?”
2. “Look back through your life. When were you the happiest—what were you doing?
3. “Imagine that you have enough money saved to satisfy all your financial needs for the rest of your life. Would you change your life, and if so, how would you change it?”
4. “Assume you are in your current financial situation. Your doctor tells you that you only have five to 10 years to live, but that you will feel fine up until the end. Would you change your life and if so, how would you change it?”
5. “Your doctor tells you that you have a single day left to live. You look back over your life. What did you miss out on? Who did you not get to be? What did you fail to do?”
As you answer these questions, what comes to mind? What do you think fills your life with joy and what are some ways you can attain that?
5 basic truths about Money and Happiness:
Jonathan Clements in his book How to Think about Money mentions 5 truths about money and happiness that I found particularly enlightening:
“Money can buy happiness, but not nearly as much as we imagine”
When I was in medical school living off of student loans, I didn’t have lots of money. I barely had enough to make ends meet and although I was relatively happy with lots of close friends and family support, I always believed that I’d be even happier if I had more money. Clements, in his book How to Think about Money provides some insight on this idea. He attests that although we can use money to increase our happiness, we can only do so up to a certain extent. A certain level of money will allow us to live more comfortably. We won’t have to worry about paying our bills. We can live in a nicer area, afford meaningful trips with our loved ones, and can purchase more of the things we like. However, that increase in happiness only goes so far. Although our happiness can increase with more money, it usually doesn’t increase to the level that we anticipate.
“We place too much value on possessions and not enough value on experiences”
Many of us have, at some point in our lives, thought that if we had more money we could afford the thing(s) we want. While that may be a true statement, Clements, warns us against this type of thinking. Many of us overestimate how happy we will be when we purchase certain things. Unfortunately, any increase in happiness we get from purchasing a material possession is usually short-lived. To find more lasting happiness, Clements’ suggests that we focus more on experiences. Whenever we spend money on an experience, like a trip overseas, a visit to family, or a getaway vacation with our friends, we have much more happiness and it tends to last longer. We have joy in anticipation of the experience, happiness during the experience itself, and also have fond memories after the experience has ended that tend to get better with time. This is why Clements suggests that if we have extra money, we should forgo buying material things and instead opt for more experiences.
“Spending money on others can deliver greater happiness than spending it on ourselves”
Ironically enough, when we use our money on our ourselves, we get less happiness than if we were to use the money on others. It sounds odd, but many people find that they have lasting joy when they do things for other people. It’s as if knowing we have helped someone else makes us think more positively about ourselves and the kind of person we are. The idea of being a kind and doing something to enhance someone else’s life brings us joy that lasts a lot longer than the temporary happiness we may get from buying ourselves something. Giving is one of the key ways to achieve lasting happiness.
“We adapt quickly to both good and bad developments in our lives.”
This quote may seem a bit odd but has a lot of truth. As humans, we are great at learning how to adapt. Life circumstances may change but we change and adjust accordingly. Although our mood may sway from time to time, the majority of us, have a natural inclination to adapt. Our flexibility is good for survival but can really make us scratch us our heads in regards to money. If we are living in poverty, living with less may bother us initially but we quickly learn to adjust to our life circumstances and find some sort of happiness, even while working harder to improve our finances. In contrast, if we find ourselves in a position where we are upper class, making more money than average, we adjust to that as well. Clements’ point is that our life circumstances, and “becoming rich” won’t give us the long-lasting happiness we may expect. The key, he states, is to focus on intangible sources of happiness like family, experiences, and giving to others.
“Happiness depends on how we stand relative to others and we each have genetic ‘set points’”
Another truth in Clements’ book is that our happiness is shaped by our comparisons. If we are doing the same as, or better than, people around us, we tend to feel much happier about ourselves. However, if we are doing worse than those with whom we compare ourselves, we tend to be less happy. Our baselines degree of happiness or “set point’ is based on genetics and how we were raised. If we come from an optimistic happy family, we tend to be happier at baseline than others. The point is to be mindful of your happiness set point and increase your happiness by refusing to compare yourself to others, especially to those you perceive may be doing better than you.
The Power of Delayed Gratification
As someone who spent most of my most of my life in school or training, delayed gratification is something I know firsthand. There are so many things I was unable to purchase or trips I couldn’t take during my twenties due to cost or scheduling conflicts that delayed gratification become quite the norm. Although it made me sad initially, I got used to it and now as I look back I realize that this helped develop me into the person I am today. Those times I spent in school delaying gratification had several benefits:
1. Taught me to live within my means
Spending 4 years in undergrad, then electing to get a master’s degree and doctorate degree meant that I spent most of my time as a full-time student. It also means that I spent most of my life not working. The one full year I did work, I lived in an expensive city and barely made enough to cover my rent, let alone “enjoy life.” By my mid twenties I owed so much money in student loans that I couldn’t fathom racking up even more debt for unnecessary things. This period of financial instability forced me to live within my means. For most of my years in school I lived off of bi-annual lump sum student loan checks. I had to budget how much I could spend each month knowing that if I didn’t keep track of my expenses, I may not have money for food during the last few weeks of the semester. I purchased items that were on sale, didn’t travel much, and tried to stay away from the malls. My roommate and I spent the weekends finding sources of free entertainment avoiding expensive outings and restaurants. Although I liked the finer things in life, this period of my life forced me to be happy with less and live within my means.
2. Helped me learn to stop comparing myself to others
For most of my twenties I was a broke college student, or post-graduate student, who couldn’t do the things that most people with stable careers could do. My friends from undergrad would go on elaborate international vacations, purchase the newest smartphones, or drive luxury cars but I couldn’t do any of that. The only vacations I took were trips that were funded by parents which were few and far between. The only time I traveled was to visit family or go on some recruiting trip or national conference for whatever school I attended at the time. Because I couldn’t live like some of the other people my age and realized it would be a long time before I would have the money to upgrade my lifestyle, I had to learn to stop comparing myself to other people. Constantly envying what they had would drive me insane. My mental health depended on my ability to be genuinely happy for others without any associated jealousy or animosity. As I look back on my life, that habit of not comparing myself to others has been extremely helpful. Nowadays, when I look on social media and see something I like, I use it as a source of inspiration to work even harder and can be happy for those around me and remain satisfied with my own life.
3. Made me less materialistic
One of the good things about having to delay gratification so long in my life is that I no longer need nice things in order to be happy. I drive a cheap used car that is in dire need of a new paint job. I don’t own really expensive designer handbags and most of my clothes were purchased on sale or with a discount. Although I make a decent amount of money today, living as a student for most of my life made me less materialistic. I no longer run out to purchase things just because I can afford them which means I have a lot more money left over each month than I would have otherwise. Instead of using money to buy more “stuff,” I have more funds available to save and invest for the future.
4. Forced me to prioritize the intangible things in life
Having to delay getting many of the things I desired forced me to find other things that would make me happy. Although I would love to travel more, buy new clothes, purchase a dream home or drive a better car, I’m happy and content while I wait. All those years of delayed gratification taught me that my worth as a person is not dependent on how much money I have or how fancy my lifestyle is. I started doing things to make myself happy and stopped looking to others for approval and validation based on what I have. Nowadays, I am more focused on the intangible things in life. I strive to strengthen relationships with my family and friends each day. I recognize the importance of sacrificing now for future benefits so I prioritize saving and investing for the future. I once heard someone state that one of the things she learned in her twenties was that the benefits of discipline, hard work, and delayed gratification are bigger than one could ever imagine. For me, this couldn’t be truer.
Affordable Ways to De-stress During a Pandemic
It’s been over 5 months since our country first shutdown from coronavirus and many of us are still dealing with the impact. This global pandemic has affected our lives in countless ways and may continue to do so for quite some time. The rapid changes we’ve been forced to make can add anxiety to our already hectic lives but here are a few affordable ways to de-stress during this pandemic.
1. Therapy and Meditation. As a medical professional who is always trying to find ways to maintain my mental health, I’m a huge fan of therapy and medication. I explain my support for therapy in a previous post, but in short, therapy can be helpful for anyone. Therapy helps us reflect on our lives and examine how certain events in our childhood may have affected the thoughts and behaviors we have today. It also helps us understand how our relationships, personal goals, lifestyles, and beliefs influence almost everything we do. Going to therapy can equip us with the tools to overcome some of our past traumas and disappointments and gain the skillset needed to thrive in the future. I once heard someone refer to therapy and mediation as “exercise for the mind” and this couldn’t be more true. Just like we go to the gym to keep our bodies in good shape and improve our cardiovascular health, therapy is great for helping us optimize our mental health. While the pandemic may have limited our interaction with others, there are several alternative options we can pursue.
For example, there are several apps that can help you meditate more effectively and increase relaxation like Calm, Headspeace, and Stop, Breathe, and Think. You may also consider socially distanced or online yoga classes. If you prefer more personalized attention and private sessions with a licensed professional you should also ask your primary care physician to refer you to a therapist. I was able to find a therapist with plenty of experience who takes my health insurance which made things very affordable and who works in the evenings so that I can have the sessions without needing to take additional time off from work. You may be able to do the same. With the pandemic, many therapists have even held sessions via platforms like zoom and Doximity to increase access.
2. Exercise and Vitamin D. Sitting inside and constantly listening to the news or burying ourselves in work may increase our anxiety. One way to decrease these feelings of uneasiness is to spend some time outdoors. Simply going outside or being around sunshine can increase our mood and improve our current outlook on life. If you’re working from home, you may try setting up a home office or workstation near a window to allow for more natural lighting or sit a in chair on your back porch or balcony for a change in scenery. I even go to my neighborhood park to read books and listen to music. I’ve also spend a few hours on the weekends walking around the city to clear my mind or listening to podcasts to help me learn new things. Either way, being outdoors and getting a bit more Vitamin D has been helpful.
Along with going outside for more sunshine, you can get even more benefits by exercising. The endorphins we get from exercise can improve our mood and mental health even more than we realize. Although it may be challenging to wear a mask at a gym or find a socially distanced workout class, there are other options to consider. You can try taking a walk around your neighborhood in the early mornings, evenings, or on your lunch break. You can also try completing an at-home workout in your garage, downloading fitness apps on your phone, or looking on YouTube for various ways to maintain your fitness in non-traditional settings. The options are endless.
3. Virtual Happy Hours and Game Nights. One the things I’ve missed most during the pandemic is social interactions with my friends. Before the coronavirus hit, I’d hand out with my co-workers at local eateries and meet with friends on the weekends for various activities and entertainment. Although I miss going to concerts, sporting events, and gatherings at my friends’ homes, there are other ways we can get some social interaction in a safe socially-distanced way. One option is to host a “virtual happy hour.” You can invite all your friends on zoom and have some girl chat or talk about the latest basketball games while drinking homemade cocktails. One of my friends mentioned that his job gave all the employees a voucher for 3 different bottles of wine and various cheeses then had them all join on zoom for a virtual wine tasting. One of the physician conferences I attended last month mailed us all “welcome packets” and supplies to participate in a zoom game night so we could all connect online in an interactive way. If you’re extroverted like me or simply miss some social interaction of before, don’t hesitate to get creative.
4. Netflix (Hulu, Amazon Prime, YouTubeTv) and Chill. Not surprisingly, many people have been watching television and streaming more shows and movies than they ever have before. Doing so may help people escape their current realities and this break from our current lives can serve as the perfect reprieve. Although being productive during the pandemic can have its benefits, we should not underestimate the effect scheduled breaks and short get-a-ways can have on our mental health. Stepping away from our work to relax or do something we enjoy can give us the space our brains need to recharge and become even more productive when we resume work. Since many of us can’t safely connect with all of our friends and family in person, one option is to share our streaming experiences. My brothers and I schedule a zoom call each month with our friends to discuss the latest Netflix series or movies we’ve watched. This gives us a chance to see other virtually and share our opinions on everything from sports to movies and current events in our city in a safe and fun way.
My point? The coronavirus pandemic has changed our lives in such drastic ways that many of us may have increased stress and anxiety. One way to combat this is to find ways to de-stress and pursue safe ways to interact with others. Whether it’s getting more sunshine, going for walks outside, hosting virtual game nights, or doing zoom therapy sessions, we all may have to look outside-the-norm to find ways to lower stress and increase happiness. Tell me, what are things that have helped you?
Ego is the Enemy, Part 2: Dealing with Failure
Regardless of who we are, what family we grow up in, how much education we have or how much success we achieve, we all experience failures. From time-to-time, we may encounter an unexpected loss or disappointment that can rock us at our core. Ryan Holiday’s book Ego is the Enemy has several pearls of wisdom to help us deal with these unfortunate events and emerge from them as better versions of ourselves. Here are some of my favorite life lessons and quotes from Ego is the Enemy in the section on Failure.
Lesson 1. Don’t be so attached to positive outcomes because sometimes, despite our best efforts, we will fail.
“In life there will be times when we do everything right, perhaps even perfectly. Yet the results will somehow be negative: failure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world…but we must carry on. The less attached we are to outcomes the better. Do you work. Do it well. Then ‘let go and let God.”
Reflection: As ambitious young professionals we can be obsessed with the need to have control. We do all we can and plan our lives in a way that increases our chances for success. Although well-intentioned, we can begin to feel entitled to achievements, feeling as though we deserve success and this sense of entitlement can make things even more earth-shattering when we unexpectedly fail. With the quote above Holiday reminds us that we need to be less reliant on outcomes. Our goal is to do our best and hope for a positive result, not feel entitled to it. Failure, disappointment, and loss happen to us all.
Lesson 2. How we react to unexpected events is important.
“There are two types of time in our lives: dead time, when people are passive and waiting, and alive time, when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. Every moment of failure, every moment or situation what we did not deliberately choose or control, presents this choice: Alive time. Dead time.”
Reflection: With this quote Holiday reminds us that while we may not be able to control the things that happen to us, we can control our reaction to them. When a disappointment or failure occurs, we have a critical choice to make. Are we going to stand by idly and remain in our sorrows? Or, will we make the most of the situation by trying to learn something from our experience? The choice is ours. Making the decision to learn something from the experience is not only a better use of our time, but it also alters our perspective on things, improves our mood, and allows us to emerge as a better, more resilient person.
Lesson 3. Failures help grow us and keep us humble.
“We cannot be humble except by enduring humiliations. People learn from their failures. Seldom do they learn anything from success.”
Reflection: Here Holiday quotes an inevitable truth: We gain knowledge and are more motivated to change when we face failure. When things go well, we often do not feel the need to change, since we often assume that what we are doing must be working well. We feel no need to change course. Adversity shakes this mindset. Failure comes and causes of us to enter a period of reflection. We begin to wonder what we could have done differently, what can we do better, how can we improve. It’s a forceful reminder that we are not perfect, and we need to work harder to be better than we are currently. This revelation gives us a new level of humility. With a healthy dose of this humility, we are better prepared to enter success more gracefully.
Lesson 4. Change the definition of success. It’s more about effort.
“Success is peace of mind, which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.”
Reflection: Similar to the point above, if we view success as achievements and external rewards, we will be disappointed because those things—the outcomes, rewards, and recognition—are beyond our control. We must instead take Holiday’s advice and change our definition of success. It’s not about what we achieve, it’s about putting in our best effort and doing everything we can on our end. Once we do that, we can be happy with ourselves, regardless of the results. All any of us can do is try.
Lesson 5. Don’t stay stuck. Move pass the hurt.
“The events he endured weren’t exactly fair, but at least he didn’t let it ruin his life.”
Reflection: One of the worse things we can do is be so shocked and dismayed by our failure that we wallow in pity. Doing so, causes us to waste precious time. Constantly reflecting over what could have been and what we feel should have been can preclude us from finding the motivation to get through our current struggle and may even prevent us from reaching our next destination. Life isn’t fair, but make up in your mind that you won’t allow the unfortunate event or series of events, from ruining your life.
Lesson 6. Emerge from the experience with your character intact.
“Let’s say you’ve failed and let’s even say it was your fault. Shit happens and sometimes shit happens in public. It’s not fun. The questions remain: Are you going to make it worse? Or, are you going to emerge from this with your dignity and character intact?”
Reflection: I personally love this quote. Every time I read it, it reminds me that I’m not alone. As Holiday puts it, sometimes sh*t happens. It sucks, especially when it happens in front of other people. We are embarrassed and often want to crawl under a rock or disappear entirely. Those feelings are normal. However, it’s up to us to make the best of this moment and refrain from letting our bruised ego cause us to act in ways that exacerbate the blow. Yes, we hate that this happened. Yes, we are embarrassed. But we must commit to making the most of this experience. We must try to find the silver lining and remember that this too shall pass.
My point? We all face disappointments and failures. Ryan Holiday, in his book Ego is the Enemy has so many great quotes that help us put things into perspective. We are reminded that failures happen to us all and the important part is for us to search for the lesson in the midst of our disappointment and use the experience to become a better person. Which quote above resonated with you the most?
6 Questions To Help Determine Your Life Purpose:
One of my favorite finance books is How To Think About Money by Jonathan Clements. Along with helping reframe our view about money he also helps us rethink our lives in general. Here are 6 questions from his book that can help us determine our life purpose and overall goals.
1. “If money were not an issue what would you do with your time?” Many of us are so accustomed to our lives. We go to our jobs 5-6 days a week and maintain our focus on paying bills and providing for our loved ones. However, thinking about what we would do with our lives if money were not an issue is an exercise worth pursuing. It can even help us determine our goals and passions in life. The remembrance of these interests could motivate us to pursue our dreams even more relentlessly than we have before.
2. “If you had to write your own obituary, what accomplishments would like to be remembered for?” Being given the task of writing down our achievements for people to remember after our death can help us think about which accomplishments truly matter to us. More importantly, it helps us prioritize our achievements. We get a better sense of which goals mean the most to us and can better understand the achievements that may have defined our lives. This question can also help us think about the mark we think we’re leaving in the world and give us a better idea about which future goals and accomplishments we should work toward.
3. “Think back over your life. When were you the happiest and what were you doing?” Many of us start our careers by making decisions for ourselves, but as we get older with more responsibilities we begin to consider the needs and thoughts of others as well. Although it is good practice to keep the desires of others in our minds, we must not forget about the things that make us truly happy – like quality time with our families, priceless moments with our friends, the feeling of accomplishment after giving a great presentation or the joy felt after seeing our dreams finally come into fruition. Thinking about our happiest moments can center us. It can encourage us in tough times and serve as a great reminder about the things that truly matter in life. The busier we are, the more important it is to keep these things in mind.
4. “If you had enough money to cover your financial needs for the rest of your life, would you change your life, and if so, how?” This question makes us really think about how we spend our time and how we are living our lives. Are the things we do each day and the careers we chose things we do just for money or is there some other tangible benefit? If we are only doing certain jobs because of the money we earn then perhaps we should consider switching to something else that might bring us more happiness or meaning. Life is too short not to find happiness in our jobs and free time.
5. “If your doctor told you that you only had 5-10 years left to live but that you’d feel fine up until the end, would you change your life and if so how?” Instead of focusing on how money may have influenced our career decisions, this question asks us something different. What are our life priorities? If we know we have limited time on earth, what are the things we want to accomplish with the time we have left? Perhaps we’ve always wanted to write a book, travel to a certain country, start a charity, or raise children. This question makes us really think about the “big” things in life and challenges us to prioritize them now since life isn’t promised to us.
6. “If your doctor tells you that you only have a single day left to live. What do you think you would have missed out on? What would you be sad you didn’t get to do?” Answering this question can help us determine what we must do in our lives. What I like about this last question is that it isn’t just about accomplishments or goals. It can also be about the “little” things in life that mean a lot to us. Did we treat people the way wanted to? Did we spend our time on earth doing what we loved? Did we prioritize our family? Would we be happy with the life we have lived? If the answer to any of these questions is no, we should actively work on changing our lives, NOW.
As you answer these questions above, I hope it makes you think about your life, priorities, achievements, and future goals. Working through these scenarios can help us determine what’s truly important to us. Who knows, it may even be the key to unlocking a lifetime of happiness.
5 Things you can do to support Black Americans and fight against injustice
Over the past few weeks, there have been several events, from Coronavirus to racial injustice, that have affected our jobs and the way we work. Although we may be focused on our careers, there are several things everyone can do to be even more supportive in the fight for racial equality.
1. Be a visible ally. Show up to protests, post information in support of racial equality on social media, sign petitions for change, and help amplify the voices of Black people in productive ways. Correct others when they say something that minimizes the efforts of those fighting for justice. Encourage others to do the same.
2. Take action against inequality. Minimize purchases from companies that have not expressed a genuine interest in recognizing that #BlackLivesMatter. Donate to people, organizations, and causes that are fighting for justice, peacefully protesting inequities, and working to change our country for the better.
3. Educate yourself on the systemic injustices that exist. Go to reputable sources to inform yourself of the racial disparities that exists in police arrests, criminal charges, and prison sentencing. Understand the systemic structures in place that negatively impact or hinder the progress of African Americans. Read books (like White Fragility by Robin Diangelo, How to be Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi, or The new Jim Crow by Michell Alexander) and listen to a podcasts centered on Black issues (like 1619 , About Race, and Code Switch) so you are educated on what inequities exist and better understand the plight of those who may look and think differently than you are accustomed.
4. Apply pressure on persons in power to ensure justice is served. Contact your local police chief and state attorney general asking for police body cams to be turned on at all times, improved methods of evaluating police misconduct, and standardized officer trainings that minimize the use of undue force and shootings during civilian arrests. Support campaigns like 8cantwait.org. Contact your mayor, governor, and state representatives asking them what policies they are enacting and supporting to help decrease racial tensions and health care disparities in your city.
5. Help right the wrongs by increasing opportunities and resources for African Americans. Choose an area of interest ranging from economic advancement, educational attainment, criminal justice reform, and health care improvements to focus on. Contribute to organizations committed to achieving justice. Support black-owned businesses and entrepreneurs. Consider donating to historically Black colleges and universities or creating scholarship funds for minorities at your alma mater. Create and support programs at your local church or surrounding community committed to teaching financial literacy, expanding career opportunities, and providing healthcare access.
My point? Many Black Americans would love to have non-black allies who are committed to supporting the fight for racial equality. We, as Black people, want to know that we can count on you to speak up against injustice, support policies that promote equality, and vote for politicians who help ensure these propositions are passed in Congress. Even if you aren’t Black, these are things you can do to show that #BlackLivesMatter.
I go to therapy and you should too. Here’s why:
1. It can be helpful for anyone. There are many preconceived notions about therapy. Some people think it’s for “crazy” patients while others think it’s only useful after you’ve exhausted other options. Some people believe it’s an expensive luxury reserved for the rich while others view it as a last resort for those who have dismissed organized religion. None of these things are true. Therapy can be helpful for anyone. The sessions range in price and you can find a licensed professional that matches your religious preferences or who specializes in a certain area of your choosing. It’s not just for those who have mental health disorders, it can be beneficial for anyone regardless of what may be occurring in your life.
2. It can help you better handle stress and acute life events. One of the key benefits of therapy is that it helps you better navigate through things. As many of you know by now, life has its ups and downs. Some moments you may be filled with happiness in your home life or career and other times you may be struggling with sickness or stress at your job. Going to therapy can help you gain the skills and tools needed to get through those tough times effectively. Talking to a licensed therapist who isn’t a close family member or friend allows you to vent to someone who can give you unbiased advice.
3. It can be “exercise for the mind.” Although many people start going to therapy because they need help dealing with a tough time in their lives or find themselves suffering from depression or anxiety, many others go as daily maintenance. Just as you exercise as a way to stay in physical shape and decrease your chance of getting a chronic disease, therapy can be viewed in a similar manner. Some professionals actually think of it as “exercise for the mind.” It helps keep your mind sharp and provides you with the strategies needed to better deal with stress, life changes, and unforeseen events. When challenging times occur in your life, you are less likely to be negatively affected by it and can use the tools from therapy to deal with these events in a productive manner.
4. It can pinpoint problematic behaviors in a non-judgmental way. One of the unique things about therapy is that it challenges you to find your “why.” You’ll have to search within yourself to find the reason you act and think the way you do. During this process, you may even discover that some of your thoughts and behaviors aren’t as effective or productive as you once believed. As you do this self-reflection, your therapist can help pinpoint any problematic behaviors in a non-judgmental way. For example, my therapist helped me see that I depend on the approval of others in an unhealthy way and understand how that need for approval was impacting the decisions I made in my life. I may not have been as receptive to this critique if it was coming from someone in my family or one of my friends, but to have it come from a therapist who has no personal connection to me really made me want to change.
5. It can help you heal from past traumas and give you a new perspective on life. Besides helping you deal with certain life events and better function with certain mental disorders, chronic conditions, or lifestyle changes, therapy is also really great for helping you get more satisfaction from life in general. It can help reshape your outlook on your family, career, and relationships and help you approach life with more gratitude and zeal than before. My therapist asked me questions I’d never been asked before that really made me question why I act, think, and behave the way I do. I was challenged to think about the ways my childhood shaped my personality and why I have the goals and ambitions I do now. Just thinking about these questions helped me gain a new perspective on my life. Even if you feel things are good for you at the current moment, why not give it a try?