A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends from medical school. Although we normally catch up about something work-related, this time, our conversation was different.
I was describing a relaxing weekend I’d just had in which I spent most of my time writing blogs, watching holiday movies, drinking wine, and conversing with my brothers. It seemed so simple, yet I was satisfied.
I mentioned to her that although work has its stressful moments, I’m tired often, and haven’t been to the gym in so long I didn’t even know where my membership card was located, I was quite happy.
She was happy for me and mentioned that sometimes we get so caught up with our current responsibilities and schedules that we don’t stop and wonder if we are truly happy, or better yet, what happiness looks like for us. I could’n’t agree more.
For some people, happiness is having time to relax and unwind at home. For others, it’s the creation of priceless memories with their family. And yet for some people, it may be having a productive day a work, eating good food at dinner, traveling to a new place, or achieving a certain level of financial or career success.
Regardless of what your view of happiness is, it’s vital that you define it for yourself. Without defining happiness for yourself it can be difficult to prioritize tasks or achieve the long-term life satisfaction you crave. You may also find yourself working toward the wrong goals or expending too much energy trying to live up to other people’s expectations while neglecting your own.
As we close out 2020 and head into 2021, it’s vital that we not only get clarity on our long-term goals, but that we also get specific about what makes us happy and satisfied overall.
According to authors George Kinder and Jonathan Clements, there are several questions and scenarios we should ponder to help assess our happiness and determine what things we value most in life. They are:
1. “Imagine money were not an issue. What would you do with your time?”
2. “Look back through your life. When were you the happiest—what were you doing?
3. “Imagine that you have enough money saved to satisfy all your financial needs for the rest of your life. Would you change your life, and if so, how would you change it?”
4. “Assume you are in your current financial situation. Your doctor tells you that you only have five to 10 years to live, but that you will feel fine up until the end. Would you change your life and if so, how would you change it?”
5. “Your doctor tells you that you have a single day left to live. You look back over your life. What did you miss out on? Who did you not get to be? What did you fail to do?”
As you answer these questions, what comes to mind? What do you think fills your life with joy and what are some ways you can attain that?
Key Lessons from 2019 to Bring into 2020:
1. Meaningful relationships with family and friends can add so much joy to your life. As a busy physician I can sometimes forget how important a personal life is to our overall well-being. Having close friends outside of work to socialize with or plan fun weekend activities makes my life so much more enjoyable. Having family around to relieve stress and keep me grounded helps me remain focused on what’s most important. With close personal relationships, I find myself happier at work, even in the most trying of times. I’m more positive, more optimistic, and even have increase job satisfaction. In 2020 I will continue to prioritize personal relationships.
2. Happiness is a choice—positivity, in the most trying situations, can improve your mental health. Many of us chose to work in health care to help heal various illnesses and provide people with second chances through medicine. Despite our altruistic motives, there are some parts of our job that can steal our joy. From ever increasing administrative work, patients expressing frustration over costs/wait times that are often times beyond our control, to rising pressure to compromise quality patient care in lieu of “efficiency,” work can seem less enjoyable. Despite these challenges, I’ve learned that happiness is a choice. Positivity, even in the most trying situation can improve our mental health. Finding the silver lining, even when it seems to be hiding, can alter our mood and outlook for the rest of the day. There are many reasons to feel frustrated or upset but choosing happiness and positivity makes things so much better.
3. Finding ways to relieve stress is necessary to prevent burnout. Although happiness is a choice, finding ways to relieve stress is integral. As a resident doctor who works crazy hours with high expectations, work can be stressful. In order to have longevity in my career and actually wake up each day excited for what it may bring, I have to relieve stress. For me, that means going to a hip-hop spin class, having brunch with my girlfriends, enjoying a football game with my brothers, or sometimes just relaxing at home with a piece of chocolate and a savory glass of red wine. Whichever the method, it’s important to have reliable ways to relieve stress.
4. Financial stress can be avoided by using a budget and sticking to a spending/saving plan. Learning about personal finance is integral to our future. It’s so easy to live the lavish doctor lifestyle with a large house, expensive car, and limitless luxury purchases largely paid for with debt and credit cards, but those decisions can put us into a perilous situation down the line. As a grad student, I made some horrible financial decisions (buying things I didn’t need on credit cards, moving to a city I couldn’t afford, and living above my means when I finally did start making decent money). Trust me, it is taking a lot of effort to right these wrongs now. Instead of investing as much as I want for retirement or putting more money into a high-yield savings account, I spent a good chunk of each check paying off credit card debt I racked up in my early 20s. Now that I’ve nearly paid it all off, I’ve vowed to be better in 2020. Having to correct previous mistakes is always more costly than we think. Learning to stick to a budget, live below my means, and follow a set financial plan is a never-ending exercise in self-discipline that has set me on a clear path to financial independence in the coming years
5. Writing down goals and creating accountability can help you achieve more overall. I learned a while ago that a goal without a timeline is just a dream and a goal without a plan is just a wish. In order to make sure I achieved my goals, I decided to write down them down along with some concrete objectives and action steps. Doing so has helped me create accountability and drastically increased my chance of success. I definitely plan to continue this practice in 2020. If I truly want to go higher, achieve more, and have continued success then I need to be constantly striving for more and putting safeguards in place to remind me of my goals and motivate me on the journey. Writing down my goals and placing them on my bathroom mirror forces me to look at them each morning and be reminded of the bigger picture.
6. The people you surround yourself with have a major influence on your life choices, decisions, and accomplishments. The people we surround ourselves with, listen to, and speak with have a major influence on our life. We begin to think about what we constantly hear and we begin to believe what we are repetitively told. When I started interacting with friends who were very religious, I too gained more zeal and faith. When I started meeting up with young professionals were business-minded with multiple side hustles I too began to think of ways to create additional revenue streams. When I conversed with doctors in the hospital who were positive despite the challenges, I too became more optimistic about my job. In 2020 lets think about who we want to become and surround ourselves with more people that embody those traits.
What are some key lessons you learned in 2019, that you are bringing into 2020?